


House X Reader – Mirror Image

by writeyouin



Category: House M.D.
Genre: F/M, Humour, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Romance, Sarcasm, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 09:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyouin/pseuds/writeyouin
Summary: House finds a reader who is extremely similar to him in personality; is it somewhat self-serving to date suce a person?





	1. Meting Your Reflection

Cameron, Chase and Foreman bounced excitedly to your office. Cuddy had assigned them to learn from you for the week and the break from House’s arrogance was sure to be relieving; not to mention, you were one of the most prestigious psychologists across America.

“I’ll bet (s)he’s really great, working on more than hunches, unlike House,” Cameron gushed.

“(S)he’s going to teach us so much,” Chase marvelled.

“I’ll be stoked just to hear my own name,” Forman added. “Not ‘hey you,’ or ‘the convict.’ Doctor (L/N) will call me by my name.”

In your office, you heard the chatter of House’s protégés as they came down the hall. You sighed irritably, wondering why Cuddy had cursed you with three ingrates you didn’t want. They were in diagnostic medicine, any psychology you could teach them would be no use in their profession; it would all go in one ear and out the other.

They let themselves in your office, never bothering to knock, irking you further.

“You’re late,” You growled, folding your arms upon facing them.

“Uhh-” Chase mumbled.

“Hur Dur Dur,” You mocked. “IF YOU CAN’T FORM A SENTENCE, DON’T MAKE A SOUND.”

Chase swallowed nervously, the trio straightening up suddenly as if under inspection.

“I cannot believe that I’ve been assigned you three. Can any of you toddlers even spell psychology? Why you chose to study that primitive blood and gore is beyond me, especially when the human mind is so much more fascinating.”

“And you can teach us?” Cameron asked boldly.

“Oh sweet lord, I don’t think the combined intellects of Socrates, Freud, and Nostradamus could teach you three; you couldn’t even tell the time enough to get here. Still, you’re stuck with me for a week so I do have jobs for you.”

Despite the terrible introduction, Chase, Foreman and Cameron perked up slightly at the mention of jobs.

You pointed to them in turn, “You get me a coffee, you a copy of the T.V. guide, and you… organise the pens in my office; I want them in colour order.”

“Hey, you can’t use us as your slaves,” Foreman argued. “We’re here to learn, not do your crap.”

“Are you refusing to do what I’ve told you?”

“Yeah, I don’t need this shit, I’m going to do a real case.”

Chase and Cameron looked unsurely at Forman as he left the room, pondering the consequences of disobeying you.

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh, go on, go. At least he had backbone.”

They scurried after Foreman, eager to get away from you and back to the safety and familiarity of House; at least they knew how to handle him.

* * *

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” House demanded, slamming his hands on your desk.

You glanced at his name badge, affirming that it was indeed House; you’d never met him before but you knew of him.

“Hmm, so when you’re done playing with human bodies, you settle your boredom by yelling profanities at other doctors. It’s like watching a baby spit out a dummy.”

House raised his eyebrows, he hadn’t been prepared for a battle of wits, considering that the hospital was full of dimwits. Despite that, he continued with his angry spiel, preparing for what you may argue next.

“They were yours for a week.”

“Excuse me?”

“Chase, Foreman, and the other one. They were yours for a week. Think about it, you have them for one week wherein I can do what I want and finally get out of this hell-scape but no, you couldn’t even do that, you had to send them back to me for eternal suffering.”

“You had a poor relationship with your parents.”

“What?”

“It’s why you have trouble with your assistants, they’re too much responsibility. Not that I blame you, you’d think three adults would know how to manage their time effectively without having to rely on us telling them what cases to do.”

House threw up his arms, “I know right, they’re so clingy and-” he stopped, pointing at you accusingly, “Oh no, you’re not getting in this brain, there’ll be none of that psychology crap on me.”

“Because you’ve obviously been in counselling before.”

“I’ll trade an experimental operation on you for a session.”

“Touché.”

“Look, all you have to do is take them back, make them look at some charts or notes or something; it makes them feel important and I get a break to catch up on General Hospital and do what I want.”

“I’m not taking your mistakes; besides, you haven’t missed much on General Hospital, other than Gracie marrying Drake.”

House gasped, “No, she was clearly made for-”

“-Joseph, I know. Not to mention, now they’re married, Drake’s trying to steal Gracie’s shares in the hospital.”

“That bastard.”

“See, that’s exactly what I said… You know, for someone into all that disgusting fleshy stuff, you’re not so bad.”

“And for someone who wastes all their time pretending they’re not a glorified shrink, you have impeccable taste.”

“Coffee?”

House grinned darkly, “I was thinking we could move straight to meaningless sex.”

You looked him up and down seductively, “Your place or mine?”

“Yours, I’m curious to see if your pay grade’s above mine.”

“Works for me.”


	2. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A smutty chapter of what happens as a result of House getting jealous.

“So, it’s true,” House panted, lying in bed next to you and examining your room closely, “You do have a better pay-grade than me.”

You rested on House’s chest, tracing feather-light patterns with your fingers, “Well yeah, that’s the best part about psychology; you can convince people they’re not paying you enough and they have to believe it.”

“I do believe you may be pure evil.”

“Yeah, there’s a special place in Hell for me; the throne.”

House laughed, he missed this kind of relationship; something easy with no strings attached. Most people hated that kind of thing but you were there as and when he needed an escape from the harsh realities of life. “Tell me, are all British women like this?”

“Not unless you count our love for tea.”

House rolled on top of you, “Why bother with tea when you can have an Americano instead?”

“Gregory House, I do believe you’ve increased my appetite for new and exotic things,” You smiled, drawing him in for a kiss.

And so, life went on, the two of you meeting in secret as and when the mood took you, no matter where you were or what you were supposed to be doing; it was amazing how invisible you could be, especially working in the same building together. That is, until something threw a spanner in the works.

House had spent a particularly rough night at the hospital under Cuddy’s orders and to be quite honest, he wanted nothing more than a night of carnal sex to work out his frustrations. He rang you, wasting no time with formalities when you answered the phone. “Your place or mine?” He demanded.

“Not tonight House,” You answered.

His lip curled, you’d never turned him down before. “What? Why not? Did the sky fall down on some dull patient of yours?”

“Hmm, somebody needs a time out, having a tantrum again baby?”

“Just tell me where you are!”

“Urgh, it’s a shame to see some men haven’t evolved past cavemen, swinging their clubs around and making demands. Fine, if you must know, I’m on a date.”

“That’s impossible, you don’t date.”

“No, I don’t date  **you**. Look, we both agreed that what we have is just sex, no strings. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m being rather rude to my date. Goodb-”

“Wait. No. Absolutely not. I forbid you to go on this date.”

“Oh, heavens no!” You cried out dramatically. “I have been forbade by thy heathen lover. What is a poor, innocent, waif such as myself to do? How about you join me in the 21st century Greg? Call me when you’ve grown up a bit and we can talk.”

You hung up, leaving House, white-knuckled, clutching the phone. He had no right to be jealous of a stranger he’d never met but it didn’t change the fact that he was; if he didn’t want the envy to consume him, something had to be done.

* * *

It wasn’t hard to find you, you’d written the date in your planner, much like everything else; all House had to do was break into your condo, which proved to be quite easy. After that, all he had to do was show up. When he saw the man you were with, he had to fight to keep up his persona; he was no longer the jealous lover, he was just another man in the world.

“(Y/N)?” He asked innocently, coming up to you in the crowded restaurant.

You stared at him in astonishment, ready to speak but getting cut off before you had the opportunity.

House stared at your date, faking embarrassment, “Oh no, this isn’t the wrong night is it? Oh gosh, you know how hard it is to plan a night with an escort.”

“An escort?!” Your date, Jim, got up awkwardly, blushing hard.

“Wha- I’m not an-” You tried to argue, once again getting interrupted by House.

“You didn’t know? Oh my, this is so embarrassing, I thought everyone had seen those risqué, little commercials about town, you haven’t? You know what, I’ll just leave you two alone, I’ve clearly got the dates mixed up.”

“No need,” said Jim, getting up and leaving.

House watched with a satisfied smirk, until you slapped him hard across the face, “Grow up or get the fuck out of my life,” You whispered, ignoring the staring crowd and walking away.

House seethed silently. Why couldn’t you see that he was doing you a favour? He was helping you out. He was saving you from a bad night. He was acting like a complete creep. Finally, he saw it, the hideous possession that you’d just witnessed. It wasn’t cute or romantic, it was disgraceful. Loathing himself all the more, he decided to find some way to apologise to you.

* * *

It had taken a while but eventually you forgave House, proud of the lesson he’d learned and happy that you no longer had to abstain from meaningless sex with him. Currently, you were in his office, leaning against the desk, with his head between your thighs as means of an apology.

“How I’ve missed these thighs,” he murmured, kissing them before licking between your hot, wet folds.

“Better than saying sorry,” You gasped, losing your words as House’s tongue flicked over your clitoris.

House gripped your back hard enough to lave marks, eating you out with vigour.

“Fuck,” You breathed heavily.

“Such language, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Don’t stop,” You keened, painfully close to your climax.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re that close already.”

“Please.”

House grinned darkly, “Touch yourself.”

“You’re a cruel man Greg,” You moaned, complying all the same and using one hand to rub your vagina while the other tweaked at your nipple.

“See, you can do this yourself; I should really be offended.”

You glared at House, “It’s rude to leave a meal unfinished.”

House chuckled, snatching your hand away and licking the sweet juices away from it, “I wouldn’t want to be rude.”

He turned his full attention to you once more until you reached sweet release.


End file.
